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.: My Own Worst Enemy :.

I think that I am slowly losing my mind...

When I walked in the door on Saturday after work, the strangest feeling fell over me. One of those feelings in your stomache that make you feel like you are going to be sick. I looked around for Bobby and found him sleeping in our room. Something just didn't feel right.

When he awoke, I was greeted with a smile and an "I missed you today." But still, I had this lingering feeling that there was something that happened I didn't know about.

This "premonition" really put a damper on our entire evening. I just felt like curling in a ball and crying and it drove me crazy because I didn't know why. Bobby felt so horrible because nothing he could say or do made me feel otherwise.

I came to the conclusion that I think I have been stressed and not come to terms with it. I try lately to push things aside, hoping they will work themselves out, but in the end they are right there in my face again. Someone once said that I take things way out of preportion and make things a lot harder than they seem. Maybe I do. I always think that everyone is out to secretly get me, my husband and family included. Thats just not right.

I need to breathe and take things as they come. One day and situation at a time. My brain and imagination are my worst enemy at times.

The next morning, I felt much better. We layed in bed until 11 just taking each other in. He made me french toast, then we went shopping for Christmas. This up and down feeling drives me insane. It makes me feel like I am literally going crazy. Ughh....

I need a long, long vacation. Just me and Bobby. NO phones, no tv's. Just us.

.:.

.: 9:35 a.m. :.
.: November 15, 2004 :.

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.: yin :: yang :.