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.: 3 Months Until "Me" becomes a "We" :.

Its been 4 months, one week, 3 hours, and 50 minutes since i had to say goodbye to Sugar-butt. You think i would be use to this lifestyle now since being thrown into it over 5 years ago. Someone once said, "What doesn't kill you will only make you stronger." - What a crock of shit. I don't feel any stonger from having to live a life of solitude. Oh well, only 3 more months to go (Deep breath...and, release).

I guess one of my biggest flaws is being so co-dependent. Its been a pattern in my life for as long as i can remember. Sorry if i like to have someone around to tell my day to (or vent to in that matter), or cuddle up with when i get cold and mushy. I don't really enjoy my company all that much. When i'm alone, i find myself thinking about the $20,000 that i owe to all of my debtors. I think about what it will be like to finally become a we again after being just plain old me for so long. I worry and stress over this wedding that i am trying to finance and throw together all by myself. I wonder if this is what i was put here on this earth for and if i will ever make something of my life when i "grow-up". No wonder i have insomnia....

I just feel like when i am just me, party of one, i get stuck in this hole. Its like my life is on repeat. Everyday the same. Wake up, growl at the first person who tries to talk to me before my cup of coffee, put my face on, stop at starbucks for my venti chai (which i must say is the highlight of my day), go to work and try to fix everyone elses bullshit problems they have made, come home and eat dinner, drown myself in ben & jerry's chocolate brownie ice cream while watching anything reality on t.v., go to bed (or try anyway), than wake up and do it all over again. I'm in a rut i tell you. A big old dirty, deep rut.

Well, at least today is a little spicier than usual. Eagles playoff game today. They better win, although i would really not be suprised if Donovan throws this game like he did last year. That always seems to be the case with my men in green, or black now. Maybe they should give McNabb the day off and let Feely get in there. What a cutie, and not to mention he isn't all that bad at quarterbacking.

Well, i guess i will stop rambling for now. I need to go find my lucky jersey and get ready for the game. 17 more minutes! Keep you fingers crossed! E-A-G-L-E-S, EAGLES!!!!

Peace out!

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.: 3:50 p.m. :.
.: January 11, 2004 :.

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.: yin :: yang :.