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.: A Former Addiction :.

So, I guess I forgot to tell you all the story I was suppose to post yesterday. I'll save all the gorey details and just kind of get to the point of my bad day.

When I was 16, I had worked for a pretty big chain selling media and electronics. I had this guy that was my supervisor that was about 5 years older than me that I thought was super cool. He was this goth hottie with bleached blond hair, a toung ring (when it was trendy), and gauged ears.

We started hanging out on a regular basis and I really began to like him. I found that I was really changing, but not for the better. I was listening to this dark and depressing music, always keeping to myself, skipping school to see him. It just wasn't really me and I didn't like who I was when I was with him. He was like a drug to me though. I couldn't get him out of my head.

Long story short, one night i went to a party at his apartment. I got there early because i was going to help set up and he was making me dinner. When i got there he told me to sit on the couch and close my eyes. I was absolutly terrified, because I wasn't comfortable with him yet. When i opened them he had bought me a dozen roses and a few little gifts, one being an anne rice book that he insisted i read. He made me pasta and like with most Italian meals, we had wine with dinner. The next thing that I remember clearly was lying in his bed and him on top of me. Things get really cloudy from there. I remember becoming panic stricken and having to leave. I quickly put my clothes on and said an abrupt goodbye. I started to have an anxiety attack on the way to my car and don't really remember driving home, but some how i did. My parents ended up driving me to the hospital that night, but only because i was having an "anxiety attack." I didn't want to jump to conclusions since I really couldn't remember.

After that, I quit my job and hadn't gone back into that store. Years had passed and I had heard that he moved out of state. The thought of going in there still creeped me out. It wasn't until last summer when my fiance came home from deployment that we went in there. I was so nervous even though i knew he wouldn't be there.

On Tuesday my manager asked me to run over there to get him a printer. I eagerly went since he threw in a venti chai from starbucks. I grabbed a cart and as i turned the corner, my blood ran cold. For the first time in almost 9 years, I was faced with a harsh dose of reality. There he was, right where I had left him 9 years prior. It was like seeing a ghost. At first he didn't recognize me, but that only lasted a moment. I think he was just as suprised. He was able to muster up a, "I thought you had moved to Hawaii?" and I had a similar rebuttle, "I thought you were back home?" Come to find out he moved back here a week ago and got back his old job.

The talking was minimal and I think he could feel my uneasyness. We had only encountered each other for a max of 3 minutes, but it seemed to be in slow motion. Amazing how you can supress something so much that it seems like it never happened and then it can all come back in a seconds time.

Needless to say, I will never be able to come within 1000 yards of that place without getting chills down my spine. It may seem like I left a lot out, and rightfully so, I did. He was a bad time in my life. One that took a long time to fix. And most of the memories I don't want to rehash in my mind. That isn't a place I want to visit anymore...

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.: 8:31 p.m. :.
.: March 27, 2004 :.

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.: yin :: yang :.