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.: The One That Got Away :.

Do you ever just sit and think about the way things use to be. A time when things were a little less complicated. A time when the most important thing in your life at the moment was what you were going to wear to the party on Friday night. Do you ever sit and think about the one who got away? What they are doing now...

You know, out of the blue the other day, I thought about my former boyfriend, Casey. It has been years since I have even talked to him or even talked of him. Yet, he still wonders the halls of my mind from time to time. Now, I don't still have "those" kind of feelings for him, but I think that he was my "one that got away." Thats why I still hold on.

The whole time we dated, he was more like my best friend. My soul mate. We got along better together than I ever had before with anyone else. There was more to our relationship at 16 than the usual go to the movies, makeout, yada yada yada that you do at that age. We would hang out, go for nature walks, go line dancing. He taught me how to waltz...In fact, I don't even remember why we broke up. Things were always just that good between us.

What brings this all up is the realization that, that was the relationship in my life that really formed me. It made a big influence on the person I am today. At that time in my life, new doors were being opened for me and I got to experience life in a way I never had before.

Bobby is the love of my life. I can not imagine growing old with anyone other than him. Casey was just my wake up call to reality. I miss him and wonder often how he is. He still to this day is my dearest friend and he doesn't even realize it.

I hate finding out things about others through the grape vine. He is married now, so I hear. That may be why we have lost touch. It bothers me at times that I don't have him there to talk to anymore. He was that one person that always knew just what to say. He could make me smile at times that wouldn't merit a smile. I wonder if he knows that...

It is really hard to talk about someone else without sounding like an obsessed lunatic, but I sware I'm not. Have you ever just had that one person though that you could connect to even though it may not be your spouse? Hell, I haven't even talked to Casey since before I met Bobby. I just hold the friendship that we had so close to me still. Is that wrong????

Maybe I should let it go. I'm not sure why I have even held on to it this long. It was a childhood relationship. I just wish that at times, we could go back. Not necessarily back to when we were 16, but back to when we were friends.

I wish Bobby would have met him. In many ways they are like. In many ways they are extremely different. I think they would have gotten along a little too well...

I don't know what I am babbling about this morning. I just was having random thoughts. All in all, at the end of the day, I know things are the way they should be. No other man, in my mind could come close to Bobby. With him is where I know I am suppose to be.

I wish that you all knew him. He is the most wonderful and beautiful thing in my life. He is a true gift from God. I thank him everyday for exactly where I am right now at this moment. I know that if I really had the chance, I wouldn't go back, just for the mere fact of possibly losing what I have now. And nothing would be worth that to me....nothing.

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.: 8:46 a.m. :.
.: September 14, 2004 :.

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.: yin :: yang :.