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.: Useless Motivation :.

Lately there have been these things manifesting in me that I can't deny. A yearning and desire to create this huge accomplishment. But I have no freakin' idea what it is I am suppose to be doing. It sucks. Here I have all this motivation and nothing to apply it to.

I thought that maybe I would pick the book back up and start writing again, but I don't think that is what I am suppose to be doing right now. You know what I do want to do though? I haven't taken a canvas and just went to town on it for years now. Sometimes I get the feeling that I could create this great masterpiece, but then like my book, I get it and just stare. And then I am blank. And I get lost in the white background and it seems to get bigger and bigger. Why does paper get so intimidating? I need some creativity exercises or some shit to do when I fall in that mode.

Another problem I have is the fact that I am broke. That in its self is discouraging. To finish my book, I need money to have it made, and I will tell you it is not cheap! And if I want to paint again the supplies are so expensive. I still have my old stuff, but the paint has turned gummy and my brushes are all dry rotted. Even my photography has had to be put on hold. Developing is so expensive now adays. All the more reason I need my own black room.

Well, if anyone has any suggestions feel free and yell at me. If not, just keep on doin' what you're doin' and don't EVER leave me a love note as usual!!!! (Can you sense the hostility in my tone???)

XOXO roomies!

Peace out!

DC

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.: 9:52 p.m. :.
.: March 11, 2004 :.

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.: yin :: yang :.